Rabid Grannies
Directed By: Emmanuel Kervyn
1988
Color - 90 Minutes
This is one you definitely want in your collection even if it's maybe not the BEST movie ever. The whole idea is so absurd; the whole filming and dialog, so terrible; the whole idea of old ladies eating kids, so perverted; This is such a great movie!
The grannies are given some "stuff" that transforms them into demons. I don't think it was ever explained exactly what it was, but that's not important. The shots of them changing into demons at the dinner table is simply amazing and you will love the cheesy special effects at work here. Obviously there isn't much plot to even mention here. They turn into demons, kill some people at the party, and then they get killed at the end. You know the routine.
This was a movie made in Belgium that Troma released here in the states. It should be fairly easy to find at most stores that carry even SLIGHTLY underground horror movies. I like this movie because, although it's a Troma flick, the Troma guys had nothing to do with it, and it has a look and feel all of it's own.
Plus, you can't beat a tagline like: "They love their grandchildren... Well done!"
Murder Rating:
9
Movie Rating: 7.5
Review by Baron
Re-Animator
Directed By: Stuart Gordon
1985
95 minutes-Color
"Herbert West Has A Very Good Head On His Shoulders... And Another One
In A Dish On His Desk"
Re-Animator is one of those movies you remember seeing at the video store
all the time when you were a kid. I first saw this movie in my early teens
and liked it then. I watched it again a year ago and have a new found love
for the film.
Re-Animator is the story of Dr Herbert West played by the amazing Jeffrey
Combs. I have seen Jeffrey in many movies and he always plays a similar character,
and plays the part very well. I'm not sure if he is a very talented actor,
or a fucking weirdo who isn't acting at all.
The movie starts strong and keeps you hooked for the entire ride. Dr West
is working on a serum to re-animate dead flesh. Due to an "incident"
he transfers from a Swiss college to Miskatonic in the states. He rents a
room off campus with a basement to perform his 'studies'. Conveniently enough
his roommate, Dan, is the boyfriend of Meg, the daughter of Dean Halsey. Dr
Hill is the head of the neurology department and immediately clashes with
West. Hill also has a thing for Dan's girlfriend. It's easier to watch than
it is to type about, but trust me it rules and flows really well.
I don't want to go on about the movie too much. There is just too much to
say about this cult classic. I strongly recommend renting, stealing or buying
it. Fuck it, all three. The head from the dead scene is worth it alone.
"I GAVE HIM LIFE."
Murder rating: 8 (good murders, just not enough of them)
Movie rating: 10
Record
Directed By: Gi-hun Kim
2000
94 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
This is sorta like a Jap version of 'I Know What You Did Last Summer', but it's way better than that trash. The idea is a group of kids video tape what is supposed to be a prank of a fake murder, but they actually end up killing the kid. So they cover it up as best they can, and then a year later they get a video tape of the murder.
There are some really cool parts in this movie and I was into it once it sorta picked up and started going a little faster. Some of it is pretty dumb, and the fact that a group would search and chase after a killer that they KNOW has a weapon without having one themselves is retarded. But hey, it's good mindless entertainment. The ending is that typical twist bullshit, by the way.
Not the best, but it's definitely worth looking into.
Murder Rating:
5
Movie Rating: 6.5
Review by Baron
Red Riding Hood
Directed By: Giacomo Cimini
2003
90 Minutes - Color
I watched this right after the god awful movie Blood Gnome. I must admit this
movie looked really interesting, but after about 20 minutes, I wished I was
still watching Blood Gnome. This is a complete pile of dog shit.
The main young girl Jenny is abandoned by her mother and her dad was a politician
who was assasinated, so her crazy grandmother goes to live with her. Jenny's
"friend" George is supposedly her dog, who is dressed in some really
bad halloween costume [this is what the wolf is supposed to be] The whole
story is [I guess] told from
the point of view of the wolf. It could be good based on that, but it's just
really stupid and homosexual.
I watched about 50 minutes of it and then fast forwarded it because I simply
had enough of the cunt who was playing Jenny. She's annoying and isn't good
in the role. I don't care if she's 12, she can still be a cunt.
Decent murders and joke shop severed limb props can't save this waste of time.
Stay as far away from this as you would Magic Johnson with a barbed wire vest.
Murder Rating: 5
Movie Rating: 1
Review by Baron
Saw II
Directed by: Darren Lynn Bousman
2005
91 Minutes - Color
Saw II was a lot better than the first one. Some of the clues in this movie were plain obvious...For example, when jigsaw stated the numbers are in the back of your mind it was a dead give away. But the concept of this movie was to prove your will to live and follow directions. The acting had it's moments again...Jigsaw sucked and a better person for the job would have been Christopher Walkens. The point of the movie was to put 8 strangers in a room, find out what they had in common and learn survival skills. The obvious was what they had in common and they find out sometime later in the movie... the youngest kid was the son of a police officer. One who had abused his power and arrested 7 of them and convicted them with false evidence. The ending had a good twist and since Jigsaw was dying of cancer...he had to find someone to take his place. This movie of course left room for a part III and even though it was a decent flick, the concept is old now.
Murder Rating
2
Movie Rating 4
Review by Anne
Saw
II
Directed by: Darren Lynn Bousman
2005
91 Minutes - Color
I wasn't a fan of the first one at all. If I was going to write a review of it, I'd probably give it a 3 or so, if I was feeling generous. That being said, this movie was a HUGE improvement.. The review above mine gives the basic idea of it, so I won't get detailed with it.
Some of the death scenes were sorta clever and this time around it wasn't 2 hours in the same damn room which was nice. I'm still not a fan of "hip teenage casts" in horror, but most everyone in this did a decent job of it. The ending was cool and I like how it both made references to the first movie and [obviously] leaving room for a part 3.
With the usual crop of dogshit horror that comes out of Hollywood lately, this was a pleasant surprise.
Murder Rating:
6
Movie Rating: 7
Review by Baron
Session 9
Directed by: Brad Anderson
2001
97 Minutes - Color
"Horror is, in essence, the sense of dread... not shock."
I read a lot of great things about this film before my first viewing. I, however, took away from it something a bit less. The film takes place at Danvers Mental Hospital, located in Danvers, Massachusetts, an old decrepit state facility lying dormant since 1982. The story follows a group of Asbestos Removal workers who have been comissioned to clean up the Hospital. A desperate plea from the owner of the company vows to complete the work in less time than originally agreed upon, as the company needs the work to stay afloat. A $10,000 bonus has been promised to the group if they can complete the immense work in no more than a week. With both the pressure of the work and the atmosphere of the building looming overhead, we find the workers slowly unraveling as the secrets and a long forgotten case of the patients who once resided here are discovered by one of the crew members.
The film does a decent job of creating a thick, almost claustrophobic atmosphere, and the building alone causes a sense of uneasiness that looms over the workers. Unfortunately, I cant help but feel that this film could have been done better in the hands of a more accomplished director. The events that occured towards the end of the film were done adequately, but there was virtually no climactic feel to the final events of the remaining characters, and some of the scenes felt scattered at best.
Overall, i enjoyed the movie, but the hype that many have given this film seems more akin to wishfull thinking than that of praise to a great psychological thriller.
Murder Rating:
2 [Only for the pick device in the eyesocket scene]
Movie Rating: 5
Review by Dave
Silo Killer
Directed By: Bill Koning
2002
90 Minutes - Color
Some kids out camping find out a killer has escaped from prison. This guy murders people and stacks the bodies in a silo. Yeah, that's the plot.
I watched this a long time ago, but I remember it being BORING and pretty dumb. The low budget camera work helped a lot and the guy playing the killer is pretty rad. But overall, this is nothing special.
I heard they made a Silo Killer 2. Now THAT I must see! How fucking shitty can something like that be?
Murder Rating:
5
Movie Rating: 3
Review by Baron
Shaun of the Dead
Directed By: Edgar Wright
2004
99 Minutes - Color
I got talked into watching this unexpectedly, and all I knew was that it was
sort of a comedic spoof zombie movie. I dont like the idea of making a movie
that makes fun of zombie movies so this idea was out of the question.
It got off to a slow start seeming like any campy 2000's british flick, some
decent character building that kept my attention barely, but it did. Theres
some decent comedic value in Shaun and his room mate as well as Shaun's job
at the appliance enter. After a while the plague of zombies starts to take
over the city and the suspense starts to build. From this point on you start
to realize that Shaun of the dead isnt about spoofing other zombie movies,
it truly is just a fairly normal zombie flick, with all the classic elements
of our favorites of the past. Even down to the scene where they get holed
up in a corner bar and they all start arguing over a course of action while
zombies are beating down the doors and clawing through the windows.
The blood / gore / make-up was really macabre looking and quite visually entertaining.
Theres some really witty quips along the way that are rather unexpected and
fitting. Overall this is more of an homage to the genre of classic zombie
movies with a lot of brit comedy thrown in to give it a more modern twist.
Its a good watch from start to finish, but It's not something I'm going around
raving about.
Best line: "Sup niggas?" - Shaun's room mate
Murder Rating:
9
Movie Rating: 6.5
Shock Waves
Directed By: Ken Weiderhorn
1977
90 Minutes - Color
"The best of the Nazi Zombie movies!" the box says. Well, I'm not too sure about that..
A group of people in a small boat are stranded on an island they think is deserted. They quickly find out it's not because the "zombies" arise from the water and start attacking. I don't think these are actually zombies in the Romero sense of the word, because supposedly they're holding their breath or something like that. Who knows.
I was waiting around for 40 minutes begging my DVD player to offer me SOMETHING interesting. It definitely does pick up after the halfway point, but it's sorta painful getting there. Also, it only SORTA picks up, because there isn't too much action here to keep most zombie fans interested. In fact, if these things weren't labeled as "Nazi Zombies" I don't think most people would care about this.
You should check this out if you find it cheap, because it's not a $20 type movie that you'll get repeated viewings out of. I got it for $5 on eBay, and I only slightly feel ripped off.
Murder Rating:
1
Movie Rating: 5.5
Review by Baron
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Directed By: Charles E. Sellier
1984
79 Minutes - Color
This movie fucking rules. It spawned a series of sequels, and I don't know anyone that has seen anything other than the first 2 of them. Mickey Rooney is in part 5 though, so I'm sure that's worth seeing!
When he is a kid, Billy and his infant brother see their parents murdered by a deranged Santa. They are sent to an orphanage where Mother Superior treats Billy like shit constantly. The nuns help Billy get a job when he's 18, and it ends up being in a toy store. Things are alright at first, then the owner asks him to dress up as Santa for all the kids in the store.
On Christmas Eve, he is at a party inside the store and he sees some horny kids making out. You know what happens next. Luckily, it happens over and over and over and the killings themselves are very creative [impaled on deer antlers!] and very gory. It's no wonder there was a ton of protest for this movie when it came out. It's easily up there as some of the most morbid scenes from a "mainstream" horror movie that actually hit the theatres. It's also good to see the killer as a "regular person" instead of some supernatural demon or creature or whatever. When you watch something like Silent Night, Deadly Night you can ALMOST picture it happening somewhere in the world. Face it, I don't think someone is going to be attacking and killing you in your dreams [I'm looking at you, Freddy]
Silent Night Part 1 and 2 are available on a two sided disc for less than $20. I wish they would make a proper box set with all 5 of the movies, but it doesn't look like we will be that lucky. Either way, if you care enough to read the reviews on a horror site, you NEED this movie.
Murder Rating:
10
Movie Rating: 10
Skinned Deep
Directed by: Gabriel Bartalos
2004
97 Minutes - Color
I'm not a fan of House of 1000 Corpses, but that's the vibe I get when watching this movie. Also sprinkle on some original Texas Chainsaw Massacre type scenes and you have a good idea what this film looks like.
Warwick Davis
[the Leprechaun!] plays a great roll in this flick as Plates. He basically
just acts like a lunatic and, yeah.. throws plates. It's fun to watch and
the "platework" is pretty creative. The granny in this movie plays
the weirdo roll perfectly and she's great at luring people into the family
house. The special effects to get the characters Surgeon General and Brian/Brain
to look good are well done, even if Brain is definitely goofy looking. With
this type of movie, that is part of the charm. Some of the underground scenes
below the family's house are real cool, and the newspaper room the main lead
girl is kept in is rad because it makes no sense.
The story has been done a million times [TCM], but it has some twists and
turns that keep it exciting. Story in a nutshell: Family breaks down on side
of road, family gets lured into crazy family's house, crazy family kills the
parents of the regular family and holds the girl hostage, girl tries to escape.
Well, it's more than that, but you get the idea. It has a campy type vibe
to it that the early 1970's era horror movies had, and that is impressive
considering it came out last year.
This is probably one of those DVD's that we will look back on in 20 years and it will still be bizarre and we'll still want to watch it and we can't figure out why. Or we can watch Leprechaun 24.
Murder Rating:
8
Movie Rating: 7.5
Review by Baron
Slaughter Hotel
Directed By: Fernando Di Leo
1971
89 Minutes - Color
A deranged killer is on the hunt in a home for rich women with mental problems or something. There are plenty of tits in this movie and a few decent kills [for the era anyway], but overall this was a total snoozefest for me. The ending is retarded too. Yep, I actually watched the whole thing.
I found it funny that this home is full of various weapons that just happen to be next to people with brain issues. That was great. I also liked how the box says SLAUGHTER HOTEL all over it, but for some reason, they couldn't change the opening screen because it says the movie is called THE COLD-BLOODED BEAST. Hey, Slaughter Hotel sounds like a cool title anyway..
Pass on this unless you find it dirt cheap. I paid $10 for it and feel ripped off.
Murder Rating:
5
Movie Rating: 5
Review by Baron
Sleepaway Camp
Directed By: Robert Hiltzik
1983
88 Minutes - Color
All three movies
to the Sleepaway Camp are included in the Survival Kit Boxset and you can
usually find it priced for around $25 in most stores. I really can't think
of a better deal because this is a great series overall. The booklet to the
set comes with some interesting info, like how the first Sleepaway Camp was
the #1 grossing film in New York
during its release in 1983.
The plot is simple but the famous ending twist is anything but. Everyone at Camp Arawak is mean to the shy kid named Angela, and they begin to get killed off in various gruesome ways. The idea isn't much different than Friday the 13th, but it doesn't feel like a clone of that.There are some decent characters and the typical teenage "problems" are explored quite well. I'm pretty sure most people will only really care about Angela's character even though, especially for the basic summer camp slasher, there is a lot more going on.
It's important to see these movies in order to really understand them. Well, you could probably swap 2 and 3 and not be lost, but this one really should be the first one you see.
Murder Rating:
7
Movie Rating: 7
Review by Baron
Sleepaway
Camp 2: Unhappy Campers
Directed By: Michael A. Simpson
1988
80 Minutes - Color
If you made it through part one, you are treated to a movie that I think is a better film overall, and with a much faster pace. After the massacre in the first one, Angela returns after going to a mental home, and she becomes a camp counceler. She sees all the kids at camp being "bad" and of course she butchers them all. The cover art is awesome with Jason's mask and Freddy's glove inside her backpack as well.
The gore in this movie is way more over the top compared to the first or even third movie in the series. This time around, Angela is played by Bruce's sister, Pamela Springsteen. She does an excellent job, and it feels like she was made for the roll. They went for a bit more comedy and pointless nudity this time around too, which sorta makes it different than the original.
This movie is usually hard to find on it's own, and if you do find it, it's close to $20. Just get the damn box set and stop being a homo.
Murder Rating:
8.5
Movie Rating: 8
Review by Baron
Sleepaway
Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland
Directed By: Michael A. Simpson
1989
80 Minutes - Color
Camp Arawak is sold to a new group of people who want to make people forget about the past murders there so they change the name to Camp New Horizons. Angela is back again, this time in a disguise and with a fake ID, at the camp where underprivileged kids and rich kids are forced to work together.
I like this movie because Angela splits up with a group and slowly kills them all. Then she makes her way to another group and tells the leader there that she was told to swap with another girl.. So she walks back with another camper and kills her. Then she goes back to the new group and starts killing them too. The leader of the last group is a cop whose kid was killed by Angela in the past and she does a good job disposing of him when he figures it all out.
According to the booklet with the DVD set, this movie was originally given an X rating and they had to tone it down to get it released. I think they went overboard with toning it down, because this one just isn't that graphic compared to the second one. I do recommend you watch the deleted scenes, because they're all more explicit versions of the murders. I wish they had released this in the DVD set as Unrated. It would have made a big difference.
The soundtrack to this contains lots of cool heavy songs. The song during the opening title sequence is Obsession - Methods of Madness. It will make you thrash and it's a great opening to the flick.
Murder Rating:
5
Movie Rating: 7.5
Review by Baron
Sleepaway
Camp 4: The Survivor
Directed By: Jim Markovic
1992 [2002]
This is a little
bonus that comes with the Sleepaway box set. It's just some rough rehearsal
type footage of several scenes over and over recorded on a cheap camera. I
watched about 15 minutes of this and shut it off. It's not a movie and I don't
know why I'm even reviewing it here. I guess some people wonder just what
the hell this is since there were rumors of a part 4. The production on this
flick was shut down after just a few days, so don't expect too much
with
this bonus disc.
Murder Rating:
sdfsf
Movie Rating: jsdjg
Review by Baron
Something Weird
Directed By: Herschell Gordon Lewis
1967
Color - 80 Minutes
The title says it all. A guy gets his face burnt by a falling telephone wire and this SOMEHOW gives him ESP. He's now asked to do all sorts of investigative work because of his new powers. Somewhere along the way he meets an old decrepit witch who offers him his old looks back if he will be her lover. He agrees, and now the two are a team [although she disguises herself as a beautiful lady to everyone]
I'm a huge HG Lewis fan, but this isn't one of his best. It's easily better than the insipid She-Devil's On Wheels, but it's not much of a horror flick. This is part of the huge Lewis Box Set which you should own already, you dumb fag.
Best Scene: Mitchell is asleep and the blanket he has on his bed ATTACKS HIM AND TRIES TO KILL HIM! No lie.
Murder Rating:
5
Movie Rating: 6.5
Review by Baron
Sometimes They
Come Back
Directed By: Tom McLoughlin
1991
97 Minutes - Color
This guy sees his brother and a bunch of teenage punks get killed. Then 27
years later he returns to the town for a teaching job, thinking the past is
behind him. Suddenly, kids in his class start dying off and the new students
there to replace them are ghosts of the hooligans who killed his brother.
The idea of it is pretty stupid, but it's done well enough and it keeps your
interest. I'm sure it had a decent budget, but it has that early 80's type
filming vibe going on, which is nice. Most of the actors do a good job, and
it's as close to belieable as something like this is going to be. Not a lot
of murders or anything, and it almost seems like this was made to be easily
toned down for TV or something. Some of the effects used for the "ghosts"
of the kids is sorta neat looking, and it's unexpected.
All in all, I'd say it's worth picking up cheap or catching on Skinemax or
something.
Murder Rating: 2
Movie Rating: 6.5
Review by Baron
Sorority Babes
In The Slimeball Bowl-A-Rama
Directed By: David DeCoteau
1988
80 Minutes - Color
YAY! I used to watch this classic in the early 90's on HBO at 2 am on Saturday nights. Looking back on it now, there are plenty of other ways to see tits these days, but this was prime stuff back in the day.
The "plot" is these sorority girls are doing some stupid stuff to get initiated and these horny guys are spying on them. They get caught and are forced to go with them on the final initiation test which is to steal a trophy from a local bowling alley. While breaking into the place, they meet Spider, who is also breaking into the alley. Lucky for us 15 year old boys, Spider is played by Linnea Quigley. Enough said on that matter. Anyway, an evil imp was somehow hidden inside the trophy, and he escapes and wreaks havoc on the sorority sluts, turning some into zombies and such.
This is a totally brainless fun movie with little blood and guts and much more tits and ass. The DVD transfer looks like it was taken from a 3rd generation dubbed video tape copy of the movie, but it's still worth your 10 bucks regardless.
Murder Rating:
2
Movie Rating: 7
Review by Baron
Sorority House Massacre
Directed by: Carol Frank
1986
74 Minutes - Color
This movie isn't the typical sluts in underwear type slasher. Well, it does have that, but it's probably not as much as you think. Anyway, the story is the girls go to this house and immediately the lead girl starts having nightmares of a killer who escaped from an asylum. The killer is going after his sister and he's haunting the dreams of this girl [kind of like Halloween and Nightmare on Elm Street in a blender] Of course, no one believes her until the killer is actually there murdering them off.
I sort of like this movie, but back in the day I remember watching part 2 repeatedly on Skinemax at 3 am and I'm much more fond of that one overall.
Murder Rating:
6
Movie Rating: 6.5
Review by Baron
Sorority House
Massacre 2
Directed by: Jim Wynorski
1992
77 Minutes - Color
They really didn't even try to make this one tie in with the first one. Probably because totally different people were involved and they more than likely just decided to keep the name going.. How can you blame them? The title alone is amazing.
This movie has way more murder, tits, blood, and stupidity than the first. In fact, the flashbacks in this movie are from SLUMBER Party Massacre. How stupid and great! Peter Spellos playing Orville Ketchum is worth the watch alone. This man should have been in a thousand dumb classics like this.
The premise is some girls buy the old Hokstedter place for their new sorority. They think they got a great deal until they find out there were several killings in the house 5 years ago. I won't get too involved in the amazing plot [!!!], but this flick has much more going for it than most of the other boob slashers. The ending is a bit weird, but it fits what they were going for. If you're going to see ANY movie with Sorority or Slumber in the title, make it this one!
Murder Rating:
6.5
Movie Rating: 7.5
Review by Baron
Street Trash
Directed By: James Muro
1987
Color - 102 Minutes
There's a 40 year old booze that has been uncovered and all the bums are lining up to buy it for $1 a bottle. Little do they know that as soon as they drink it, it melts their faces [and sometimes their bodies] into a pile of goo. The colors of the melting bums is quite interesting to say the least. This could possibly change your perception of what color are insides really are!
There isn't much to say about this film other than it should be the best thing ever, but it's totally boring. There are some funny moments [ie: the guy melting down the toilet and the penis ripping off and flying through the air] but overall this is just dull. A good amount of gore if that's all you want.
Murder Rating:
8
Movie Rating: 4
Review by Baron
Tenebre
Directed by: Dario Argento
1982
101 Minutes - Color
This ranks up there as one of the better Argento movies I have seen. It's just as gory as most of his other work, but the storyline is a bit more involved than your usual splatterfest.
Peter Neal travels to Rome to promote his new book, and while he is there, someone is committing murders just as he has written about in his book. The murders themselves are among the most gruesome Argento has done and the filming is excellent, with great use of different camera angles and vibrant colors.
Some of Argento films are difficult to "follow" at times, but out of the bunch I have seen, I would say this is the easiest to make sense of. The twist at the end is extremely well done, and you probably didn't see it coming. The fact that he can make an interesting ending like this alone speaks volumes.
This isn't one of his higher ranking movies, but I think it's personally better than Suspiria, which is perhaps what he is most known for. Track this one down!
Murder Rating:
9
Movie Rating: 8.5
Review by Baron
Texas Chainsaw
Massacre 2
Directed By: Tobe Hooper
1986
100 Minutes - Color
This movie is fucking stupid. I haven't seen part 3 or 4 yet, and I've been
told they make part 2 look like an Oscar winner. Leatherface is a faggot in
this movie, and Dennis Hopper should have killed himself immediately. The
whole script is dumb and I keep staring at the DVD playing waiting for this
to end.
Fuck off Leatherface. Leprechaun would destroy you!
Murder Rating: 4
Movie Rating: 2
Review by Baron
The Bird With
The Crystal Plumage
Directed By: Dario Argento
1970
Color - 96 Minutes
Here we have Dario Argento's directorial debut in a full length movie. What an amazing first movie! This is a little less bloody than his other work, but the story is so well put together that you'll be guessing who the killer is until the very end.
A man walking by a store window see's an attempted murder taking place and contacts the police. He is an American who was heading back home in a couple days, but they take his passport and won't let him leave because they think that somewhere in his mind he has vital information they can use to solve this crime. He decides, unwillingly at first, to help them out and get on the case. There are a hundred little twists and turns everywhere and Argento throws out at least a handful of people that you think COULD be the murderer.
The ending twist is quite good and the flashbacks to him seeing the murder scene happen are extremely well done. I can't really say more without giving it away and this is the type of movie that you want to find out on your own. This is as good, if not better, than any of this future movies. Might be a good place to start if you're unfamiliar with Argento's brilliant filmmaking style.
Murder Rating:
6
Movie Rating: 10
Review by Baron
The Children
Directed By: Max Malmanowicz
1980
90 Minutes - Color
Stick with me here on the description of the plot..
There's a leak at a nuclear plant which causes huge clouds of vapors loose in an old country town. Well, the jolly school bus driver doesn't see the cloud and drives the bus right through it. At first the kids are missing, but slowly they turn up as zombies with black fingernails. All they want is a hug! Of course, when their families find them and give them that hug, they are melted instantly. Finally they discover the only way to kill them is to chop off their hands. Don't ask why.
I wanted this movie to rule all, but it really doesn't. There are some funny scenes and stuff, but overall, it's real slow and dull. The music score was done by the guy who did the Friday the 13th music, and it's umm, "borrowed" here. [Although, being fair.. both Friday part 1 and The Children both came out in the same year]
Troma just released this [yeah, I know.. you NEVER would have guessed that] and it should be available everywhere. Check it out if you like bad horrors with even worse DVD transfers and a cool soundtrack.
Murder Rating:
5
Movie Rating: 6.5
Review by Baron
The Creeps
Directed By: Charles Band
1997
80 Minutes - Color
Plot Summary: Mad scientist brings Dracula, the Wolfman, the Mummy, and Frankenstein's Monster to life... but there's a problem and they end up three feet tall.
That's as simple and accurate as possible. The guy who plays the midget Dracula is awesome, and I'm sure we'll someday hear some samples of him on a metal album. The rest of the cast is ok at best.. The whole movie is quirky and fun for what it is.
This isn't a "horror" movie, but I'm not sure what to call it. It will only appeal to people who like absurd B movies though, so I decided to review it here.
I'd say check it out.. Especially for the dawrf Dracula.
Murder Rating:
2
Movie Rating: 6.5
Review by Baron
The Dead Next Door
Directed By: J.R. Bookwalter
1988
84 Minutes - Color
YES. YES. YES. YES. YES.
I fucking wish more movies were as entertaining as this one. It's your standard zombie flick, but the zombies are there from the beginning, and the action never lets up. The cheapness adds a ton to the vibe of the movie, and considering it was filmed on Super 8, it really looks amazing. Extra props to the special effects department on this one, that's for sure. The only part I didn't like was how a few of the scenes/lines were trying to be funny or witty and they just seemed out of place. Still, there's not much else to fault here if you're a low budget zombie fan.
The basic idea is a 'Zombie Squad' is established to protect the remaining people from the hordes of the undead. Obviously this movie pays MAJOR tribute to Dawn of the Dead and the like, but it never goes too far in its plagiarism. In fact, there's a great opening scene of a zombie going into a video store and renting Dawn of the Dead. Awesome. A bunch of characters are named after famous horror people as well.
This is a great movie that was just released by our heroes at Anchor Bay, and you can find it at BestBuy for $12, which is a fucking bargain. This is a real must have for Romero fans.
Murder Rating:
10
Movie Rating: 9
Review by Baron
The Devil's Experiment
Directed By: Unknown
1985
43 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
A group of guys torture a girl in a bunch of different ways. That's it.
This was so boring I had to fast forward through some of the scenes. Although it's a short movie, it feels like an eternity because it's so boring and dumb. The eyeball scene is inferior to the one in Flower of Flesh and Blood too.
Skip this.
Murder Rating:
5
Movie Rating: 2
Review by Baron
The Devil's Rejects
Directed By: Rob Zombie
2005
109 Minutes - Color
Let me state first that I wasn't a fan of House of 1000 Corpses at all. I found it really boring and not very well put together. Let me also state that Rob Zombie has come a long way since this first movie.
This movie starts out with the cops finding out about the group of miscreants, nicknamed The Devil's Rejects. There is a pretty cool shootout scene where the family makes it out, and then we follow them on their journey, and what they do to the people that get in their way.
This is not quite as "brutal" as I'm reading it to be in reviews. The reason could be a lot of people seeing this are just kids or fans of his music and they wouldn't know real horror unless it put on a Scream mask. I did like the whole atmosphere of the movie and some of the filming and effects were really well done.
I didn't expect to like this movie as much as I did. One of the better movies of the year.
Murder Rating:
6
Movie Rating: 8
Review by Baron
The Eye
Directed By: Pang Brothers
2002
98 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
At the age of two, Mun goes blind. When she becomes an adult, she gets an experimental cornea transplant. She immediately starts to see ghosts and visions from the donors eyes. Then she travels to Thailand to find out about the history of the girl she got the replacements from.
In all honesty, this is one of the best movies I've ever seen. Sure, the second half isn't QUITE as good as the first half, but there are so many genuine scary moments here that it deserves to be seen by all. There are comparisons to The Sixth Sense and The Ring with this movie, but this blows those movies away a million times over.
There are some great scenes here that will really stick with you. I've only watched the movie once [again very soon, trust me], but parts like the chair scene, the elevator scene, the kid jumping out the window, when she sees her picture in the subway, and the I'M FREEZING parts are almost instant classics in the genre. This is a flick that deserves to be talked about all the time instead of Hollywood bullshit.
Speaking of Hollywood, they're planning to remake [and fucking DESTROY] this masterpiece. So do whatever you can to track down the real version of The Eye. I don't see how you could ever be disappointed.
Murder Rating:
2
Movie Rating: 10
Review by Baron
The Eye 2
Directed By: Pang Brothers
2004
95 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
After another breakup, the lead girl Joey attempts suicide. When she's saved from death, she starts to see ghosts in various stages of death. After this happens, she finds out she's pregnant, and now she tries to protect her baby from the spirits that haunt her.
This is a sequel in name only, as it really has nothing to do with The Eye of 2002. This is more a disturbing take on death and the afterlife and being reborn [well, that's what I got out of it] I was originally going to give this movie a real low rating, because I think I was expecting it to REALLY be The Eye 2, and continue with the brilliance of that. But instead, they took a new direction, and although it's not quite as cool as the first one, it's still a decent movie on it's own.
I'm thinking anyone who sees part 1 is going to want to see this. I think this is a well done movie if you just realize it's NOT the original and take it for what it is.
Murder Rating:
4
Movie Rating: 7
Review by Baron
The
Gore Gore Girls
Directed By: Herschell Gordon Lewis
1972
Color - 81 Minutes
This was the last [well, until recently] splatter movie by HG Lewis. He decided to end with a bang too, because this is just as good as the Blood Trilogy movies.. in some cases, it's better.
A guy is paid to investigate murders at local strip clubs. Of course the pretty girl from the paper decides to go along with him throughout the movie. There are some great kills in this one, and HG Lewis definitely didn't skimp on the absurdity and amount of blood. We have things like nipples being chopped off [and squirting milk into a glass.. one side white milk, the other chocolate], a face pushed into a pot of boiling french fries, a sluts ass being pounded in with a hammer and then having salt poured on it, and of course, we also get the scenes of eyeballs being ripped out [surely a Lewis staple at this point]
The guy who plays the detective is perfect for the role because you like him just as much as you hate him. He comes off as ultra cocky and that he knows it all, which is exactly the point of his character. I did a bit of research on the guy playing the role, Frank Kress, and it's a shame he never appeared in another movie since this one.
This movie is full of great murder scenes, absurd dialog, and plenty of tits bouncing all over the place. If this sounds like your idea of a horror flick, seek this one out.
Murder Rating:
10
Movie Rating: 8.5
Review by Baron
The Gruesome Twosome
Directed By: Herschell Gordon Lewis
1967
Color - 72 Minutes
This is a pretty deranged and fun movie about a lady and her son who own a small wig store. For some reason [it's never explained really], when certain girls come in looking for human hair wigs, the old lady pushes them into the backroom with the psycho son so he can scalp them and take their hair. Some girls are turning up missing, so their friends start to look for them at this wig shop since they know they visited there. More of the girls become victims and it seems like these two will never be caught. The main girl finally leads the police there after several wrong ideas she had about who was murdering all these girls.
There are some pretty bloody scenes here in typical HG Lewis fashion. He loves eyeballs being ripped out and squashed, and this movie is no exception. The acting in this one is downright atrocious by the way. The old lady is annoying as hell, especially the "ISN'T THAT RIGHT, NAPOLEAN?" crap she says every fucking second she's on screen. Anyway, if you like other HG Lewis type gore movies, this one probably won't disappoint. It's not quite up there with his best, but it's not the worst either.
Murder Rating:
8
Movie Rating: 7.5
Review by Baron
The Fear
Directed By: Vincent Robert
1995
98 Minutes - Color
What a boring piece of shit this is. This isn't even worth it if you find it dirt cheap somewhere. For some reason, the mannequin totally reminds me of Robin Williams in Bicentennial Man, and we all know how swell that movie is.
Some morons are having a "feat retreat" or something and this wooden thing named Morty comes to life and starts attacking everyone. It's about as generic as it sounds and I don't want to waste time writing anymore about this crap.
Avoid this even if you like bad movies. This sucks.
Murder Rating:
2
Movie Rating: 1
Review by Baron
The Janitor
Directed By: TJ Nordaker and Andy Signore
2003
93 Minutes - Color
Lionel is a janitor [duh] and he's pissed at how he gets treated by all his coworkers. He starts killing them off in a comedic fashion, and it's pretty well done most of the time [when he gets mad at the spray painters and jams a pen through his eye.. great great] No one really seems to be giving much thought to the fact that the whole staff is being killed, but since this is a horror/comedy, you just have to sorta deal with that. Anyway, Lionel and his partner Mr. Growbo live in the closet of the building, and Lionel is amazed to find out Growbo knows he's been doing the killings. They decide to team up to get more revenge, but things go bad when Lionel is offered a janitor job in a slutty sorority house.
This is really an interesting movie. It's the first effort by these young filmmakers, and I think they have a promising career ahead of themselves if they stick with it. The whole filming vibe has more of a dark TV show feel to it, but it doesn't take away much from it. The only thing that pissed off my faggot-hating self was the "gay scene" in the movie. Totally not needed and more proof fags need death.
Check it out. I bet you'll be hearing more from Andy Signore in the future.
Murder Rating:
8
Movie Rating: 7
Review by Baron
The Locker
Directed By: Kei Horie
2003
71 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
There is a mysterious locker that supposedly gives you good luck if you open
it and confess your love of someone. There is also a myth of it being cursed.
Well, it is. People that do this end up being haunted by the cries of a baby
and images of a girl with really long dark hair. Slowly these people begin
to meet their demise in many strange ways. The only way to break this curse
is supposedly from the words of one of the girls teachers.
This is almost like a stripped down version of Ringu. It's very similar in
style, themes, and feel. It doesn't take away much from the film, but it also
doesn't bring anything new to the table either. It's a pretty cool movie though,
and I would recommend it to J-Horror fans.
This comes on a single disc with both part 1 and 2. Both movies are only around
70 minutes, so it won't take up much of your time.
Murder Rating: 4
Movie Rating: 6.5
Review by Baron
The Locker 2
Directed By: Kei Horie
2004
74 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
This basically starts up exactly where the first one ends. There are some
flashbacks to help you out with the story a bit, but if you haven't seen the
first one, you might be lost here.
We learn more about the locker this time around. The story of how there was
an aborted baby left in the locker to die and how all she wants is to be loved.
Yeah, it's sappy, but it works on a certain level.
This is a better movie than the first one I think. This could easily be made
into one long movie, and this is the case of the 2nd half of the movie being
better than the 1st. If you get this DVD and aren't fully into the first one,
definitely throw the second one on, because I think it's the same idea explained
a bit better.
Murder Rating: 4
Movie Rating: 7
Review by Baron
The Mangler
Directed By: Tobe Hooper
1995
106 Minutes - Color
Very entertaining, I'd rate it, during the first half, at an 8 out of ten,
due to the storyline's (again, initially) originality. Let me explain my eventual
disappointment, the whole basis revolves around a possessed steam dry-cleaning
press at a laundry factory (I guess, strange notion I suppose). As previously
mentioned, this particular press seems to have a demon residency issue in
its gear-workings. A nasty streak of malevolence which drives the machine
to cause bizarre, domino-effect/Mouse Trap-esque multi-triggered catastrophes
(for example, a woman cuts her hand on the control dial, which causes her
to scream in surprise and bleed profusely onto the rolling belt intended to
feed linen sheets into the heated press. Somehow, the blood's absorption gives
"The Mangling" press extra-super powers and it lets loose a bolt
of electricity that would green the expressions of the bluest Greek gods.
So on and so forth, I'm weary of explaining this, all in all a hundred pound
icebox ends up being hurled into a woman's face.)
Robert Englund
gives the best performance in the cast as a sadistic, misogynistic Friedrich
Nietzsche quoting factory owner who uses a female worker's miserable career
choice in this terrifying death warehouse as leverage to forcefully propel
salty old man juice all over this regretful woman's teary-eyed continence.
Oh yeah, there is a also a great scene involving an elderly bird being slowly
consumed by the viscously paced press, starting with her arms. A strange fact
worthy of note here, the cause of her horrific death, as absurd as it sounds
she is desperately straining to grab three aspirins before they are swallowed
by the belt. Man, do they pop aspirin in this movie! The characters shovel
pill after pill into their mouths like Neo-Nazis offensively taking handfuls
of pork-supplements, jeering with sneered expressions, staring into a synagogue's
open doorway on sabbath day. Her agony is ended as her already ground-up remains
are folded flat in the form of a sheet. Fucking hot, I told you. I needed
more than a few tissues for cleanup.
In summary, the film really peters off into a lacking land of shameful letdown
by preaching a barrel full of used, obsolete Christian idiocy at the audience.
I'll spoil it for you, the machine is defeated by having some dogged hippie
fag and a sore-prostated Republican throw plastic crosses at it while screaming
two different sets of biblical quotes at the same time. Weak. Uwe Boll (Z-grade
genius who brought "House of the Dead", "Alone in the Dark"
to shit..I mean life) could have done better, and that is saying nothing at
all.
Shameful admittance from a one time fevered fan of both contributors, this
picture serves as a tell-tale sign of both Stephen King's and Tobe Hooper's
inevitable treks down the mediocre paths they still plod upon to this day.
Murder Rating: 8 and a half (humans being folded like sheets and the resulting
gibblets, nice)
Movie Rating: 3 (cliche characters, minimal wit, so-called moralistic preaching
and outcome. Dissapointing conclusion.)
Review By Repugnance
The Night Evelyn
Came Out Of The Grave
Directed By: Emilio Miraglia
1971
103 Minutes - Color
I'm usually a fan of these really old, low budget, ultra primitive movies, but this one didn't do it for me. The vibe of the movie was kinda cool, but there wasn't enough interesting stuff happening to take 100 minutes of your life from you.
The reviewer Dave will like this movie just because the basic plot is the old rich guy with a redhead wife can't get over it when she dies, so he goes and picks up more redheads and tortures them for whatever reason. He keeps doing this until he meets the girl he wants to marry, and she agrees to it. He doesn't know that she's only doing it because he's old and rich and she wants his money when he croaks.
Lots of tits [70's tits, so don't get too excited], and some decent bloody scenes throughout. This is another movie that could have been awesome, but it's just confusing and nothing really makes sense. Just watch it and pretend to understand.
Murder Rating:
6
Movie Rating: 5.5
Review by Baron
The Skeleton Key
Directed by: Iain Softley
2005
104 Minutes - Color
Caroline is employed by hospice and has somewhat of a emotional past. She regrets not spending time with her father who died a few years ago...in which case, she throws herself into her work and becomes too emotionally involved. After her last patient dies in hospice, she feels the loss of herself all over again.
Trying to escape her past, she answers and ad for a caretaker in New Orleans. A man who had a severe stroke and needs constant care. His wife Violet , still alive is too old and is not all the way there to take over care. Caroline is hired and soon finds out there is more to the house and Violet. The house has its hidden secrets in the attic, as Caroline gets the skeleton key to see what evil is there. The ending has a good twist of possession.
This movie wasn't that bad but the director sucks gay ass.
Murder Rating:
0
Movie Rating: 4
Review by Anne
The Untold Story
Directed By: Danny Lee
1992
96 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
This lovely little picture is about a psycho [perfectly played by Anthony Wong] who gets in an argument with a guy over $180,000 he won from him in a card game. The guy refuses to pay him, so he slaughters the entire family, takes over running his restaurant, and serves the meat from the family in these special pork buns that are really popular at his shop.
This is an incredibly fast paced movie that never lets up. The killings are usually brutal, bloody, and absurd, just how we like them. They don't show him kill the family until the end until he is confessing to the police. The confession comes as a flashback type thing, showing the argument over money, him tying up the guy, his wife, and their 4 kids. This scene is worth the watch alone, as he brutally butchers the entire family in great detail. While he is killing the wife/mother, her blood is spraying all over the faces of the little kids. Awesome. The guy gets a knife through the neck next and it's done really well. Next he slowly kills off all the kids, which is awesome and rarely done in movies. Him chopping the 5 year olds head off is amazing.
I got this on eBay for about $6, and I recommend you track it down at all costs. Japanese people are awesome.
Murder Rating:
10
Movie Rating: 9.5
Review by Baron
The Untold Story
2
Directed By: Yiu-Kuen Ng
1998
90 Minutes - Color
Japanese with English Subtitles
A guy has an unfaithful wife, but he's learned to live with that. One day, the wife's cousin comes to live with them. She's new to the country, so the guy takes her out and shows her a good time on the town. The cousin sees the guy getting cheated on and she gets pissed. Behind the back of the wife, the guy and cousin get married. Then it turns out the cousin is a psycho, and she wants to eliminate the wife.
This is a decent sequel to the first amazing movie, although this is much less gory and it takes a while to actually get going. But at the halfway point, the flick starts to become really interesting and much more sadistic. Nothing over the top as compared to the original, but enjoyable.
Paulyn Sun as cousin Fung is probably the highlight of the movie. All of the acting is actually really well done and pretty convincing. My Japanese hero Anthony Wong returns in this one, but this time around he is Officer Lazyboots of the Hong Kong Police. He does a great job in this roll, but he can't be topped as an insane killer.
Check out both movies. This one can't compare to the first, but it's a good thriller.
Murder Rating:
6
Movie Rating: 7.5
Review by Baron
The Village
Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan
2004
108 Minutes - Color
I can't review this piece of shit. I would rather be jammed continually by
douche bottles than to have to sit through this movie ever again.
Murder Rating:
0
Movie Rating: 0
Review by Anne
Trick Or Treat
Directed By: Charles Martin Smith
1986
97 Minutes - Color
Another heavy metal horror movie killing spree! This kid Ragman is the biggest
loser in his town...he stays at home listening to his favorite heavy metal
singer Sammy Curr. Idolizing his metal fame and retarded lyrics... this guy
sucks in my opinion. Anyways, Sammy dies in a hotel fire and Ragman is devastated
by the news. The only person Ragman can relate to is a radio jockey ....who's
name I forgot, but the part is played by Gene Simmons. Special Note: The gayest
part of the movie.
So, Ragman goes home and plays this record that Gene Simmons gives him...
DUH it's an 80's movie what do you expect??? All of the sudden it starts to
play backwards and satanic messages are being heard. Sammy appears as the
stereo electrical outburst crap starts happening from playing the record.....Soooooooo....
he tells the kid what to do and gets revenge....Ragman beats up the kids who
make fun of him and gets this ugly girl, who he has been jacking off too.
But like a fag, Ragman starts to feel bad about being evil. Sammy the metal
icon, gets pissed and appears at the high school Halloween party. How evil.....
it ends really dumb as Ragman becomes a gay hero who doesn't want to be evil
anymore...this movie pisses me off.
Murder Rating: 1
Movie Rating: 1
Review by Anne